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(no subject) [Aug. 30th, 2004|04:45 pm]
[mood |blankblank]

So, school starts in 8 days and I'm just now trying to enrole. I have to go to MDHS tomorrow to get my transfer papers, and then wait to see if Stouffville decides to accept me. Hopefully everything will work out by Sept. 7. I'm not ready to start school again. It's going to be so hard to only skip once in awhile, considering my 140 missed classes last year. I got warned enough last year, yet I still skipped. Even when I got kicked out and sent to the alternative program for two months, I barely went. *sigh* I'm going to be 17 by the time I finish my grade nine courses first semester. Pathetic.

Mike's moving in five days. :( It's going to be so weird not having him close by, but at least I'll get to see him on weekends. We've been getting along well lately, no more fighting. He makes me smile, even when everything and everyone around me is crazy.
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(no subject) [Aug. 20th, 2004|05:05 pm]
[mood |sadsad]

I have a bad habit of neglecting to take the time to update my journal it seems. I haven't spent much time on the internet at all though recently. I got a job again, finally. I work at Spencer's now. So I guess between working, Mike, and friends I just haven't had time to come on much.

As miserable and boring as this summer has been, I still wish it wasn't ending. I'm not at all looking forward to September... going to a new school (of which I don't know, because I'm not enrolled yet); moving, most likely to a different city/town; Mike going away to University; having to conform my life to the same daily routine once again...just so many things changing. Maybe if this had actually been a good summer, maybe I would feel better about it ending actually. No one gets along well anymore, everyone's always fighting. Our summer has basically been spent just getting stoned and fighting. There has been good times, nothing special though. Meh, I shouldn't complain, at least I was getting out.

Anyways, I will start updating/participating more frequently.

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(no subject) [Jul. 31st, 2004|05:21 am]
[mood |discontentdiscontent]
[music |Seether f. Amy Lee - Broken]

I'm so confused right now. With life, myself, everything. As much as I wish everything, or even anything could just be black and white, everything just stays grey. It's so hard to express or truely feel like myself lately because I can't make sense of anything.

I hate myself. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I act, I hate the way I do everything, and I hate the fact that I hate myself. I wish I could be happy with myself, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't.

I seem to strive for perfection (for what I see as perfection, not anyone else), but I don't have the mental will or physical resources to achieve it or learn to live without it.

There's so much going on right now, on top of not even being able to reach myself. I feel so alone, and I just can't figure things out by myself.
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